Comment/critique some writing, please?

I wrote this today, but my writing is troubling me recently because either I'm getting more critical or it's withering slowly when I don't write often enough. You can just leave a short comment but it would also be nice if you could answer few questions :D -



1. How's the overall flow, pacing, feeling, etc.? Show not tell, balance of description to action, and so on?



2. This is supposed to be in POV third limited of Raven - in the beginning before I give them names, am I mingling POVs or is it all right?



3. Does it hold your interest or is it getting boring? Should I try to condense it or should I try to describe things more?



4. And just wondering, what would you say my 'writing style' seems like (not sure if I'm getting that term right :/)? I asked a friend to read a bit recently and they don't seem to see the way I write remotely close to the way I do O_O What do you think?



Thanks a lot! :D





The sky was a mottled, dusky purplish blue when the raven flew across the town, startlingly black against the subdued tones of the town. It glided through the air, immense dark wings outspread, cawing as night began to draw its shroud over the world. The first stars blinked drowsily in the sky, still obscured by the clouds.

Below, a woman sitting on the balcony looked up and spied the raven in the sky. She bent slowly and let the ginger tabby she was holding slip free from her arms. Standing, the woman adjusted her bun, the black strands mingled with gray. She raised a thin arm and waved at the raven in the sky.

The raven drew near and wheeled twice around the balcony, cawing softly as it descended in a lazy spiral it light upon the balcony guardrail. It ****** its feathered head, a bright black eye peering at her.

“Evening, Raven,” the woman said, her eyes creasing as she smiled. “What news do you bring?” The raven bobbed its head and held out one of its feet. The woman reached out to untie the message from its leg.

As soon as the last bit of red string came free, the raven hopped down from its perch to crouch on the cold stone floor. As it held itself there, still as stone, a soft, warm light began to emanate from its body. The woman looked away and shielded her eyes with her hands. The light grew and the woman closed her eyes as it became brighter and brighter.

“Done,” a husky voice said. The woman turned, lowering her arms, and smiled at the girl standing before her. She was slight, a small girl, but her dark eyes shone with life and intelligence.

“Are you all right, Raven?” the woman said. “You weren’t hurt in the mountains?”

“No, but I was almost discovered once or twice.” Raven laughed. “I didn’t think they would catch on, but Anaris made me spend a day or two sitting in a cage. A cage, Nan. Think of that.”

Nan gave a small smile. “Well, at least it worked as a disguise,” she said.

Raven snorted. “But I was in my raven form! What would you think if you saw an ugly, ordinary coal-colored bird sitting in a display cage meant for those exotic birds at the markets?”

Nan smiled and unrolled the message Raven had been carrying. She squinted at the scroll, holding it up against the light to see it better.

“What does it say?” Raven came to stand behind Nan, peering at the black lines etched on the scroll, flowing smoothly together despite their sharp turns. “Anaris wouldn’t tell me.”

Nan’s lips moved as she read. “Not him,” she muttered.

“What? Who?” Raven cried, frustrated. “Tell me, Nan!”

“ It’s him,” Nan said, “Lord Red. He’s going to Grayin.” Nan’s face was creased with worry. “We have to tell the others – Miran, and –”

“Why didn’t Anaris tell me?” Raven said. “I could have – I could have warned…”

“He was afraid you wouldn’t go straight to me,” Nan said. “That you might have tried to go to…” she faltered.

“Mother!” Raven said, gritting her teeth. “But she’s in Grayin! If Red sees her, he’ll have her killed.”

“I know, Raven, I know.” Nan rubbed her face. The ginger tabby wandered back onto the balcony, mewing softly. Raven reached down to stroke the tabby.

“I have to go to Mother,” she said. “I can’t just be idle while Red…”

“No. You can’t go. We don’t want to risk out if they see you, too. We’ll send someone else. Miran, he’ll go. It will be safer that way.”

“Nan-” Raven cut herself off and tilted her head. Footsteps, heavy and distinct, grew closer and closer. The next moment, a boy burst out onto the balcony, his face flushed as he gasped for air.

“Lady,” he said, after regaining his breath, “You’re required at the Hall – it’s important, they said to run and get you straight away-”

“I will be there, thank you,” Nan said, dismissing the boy. She turned to Raven. “Stay here,” she said. “Don’t let yourself be seen.”

Raven made no reply, only watching Nan as she threw on a cloak and hurried down the staircase and out into the deepening dusk.Comment/critique some writing, please?
1. I think the pacing is okay, it's not too fast or too slow but sometimes it feels as if the dialogue between Nan and Raven was dragging on. I understand that their conversation is a really important part of the scene, but maybe you should put some minor action in between so it doesn't seem like they're just standing there while they talked

2. Hmm. The POV. That's actually kind of tricky because while I was reading the first half of your story, it sounded as if it was written in Nan's point of view. I'm guessing Raven is the main character? If she is, focus on her part the most - describe what she sees, says, feels more than you describe the other characters



3. I love the description in the beginning. It was beautiful. The dialogue also made it clear what was going on in the story. Yeah, I think it held my interest pretty well



4. I'm not sure how to answer this. I'm not a very good analyst when it comes to writing style.





Overall you're story's good. I can see from this excerpt that it's going to have lots of action in it -which is good. What I think you should work on is the descriptions. What color is Nan's eye? How does Raven look like when she's in her human form? How does the scenery look like - are they near the mountaintops, or the city, or some hidden place in the forest that no one knows about?



Hope this all helps! And thank you for your own feedback on my question.Comment/critique some writing, please?
I really like this, I think you could get published eventually. Everything you asked was really nice. Tell me when it's released ;)Comment/critique some writing, please?
This needs to be a book. Full story ?